You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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