My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
