Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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