I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
