I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
