last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
