Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize