idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
