FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
