Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bring money and cleavage
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sext me about skeletons
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
