I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
