You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
