this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
