He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
