I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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