so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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