I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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