I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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