I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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