Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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