Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
