i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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