after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize