a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
