were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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