When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize