1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its liver damage thursday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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