She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
