I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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