Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He shit in the fireplace
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
