I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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