I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
