the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
