I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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