Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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