she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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