God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
