i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it glows. i had to have it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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