Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
