I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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