trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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