Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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