I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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