just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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