Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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