Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
