Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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