chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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