Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's like heaven, but drunker
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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