I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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