i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
