god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
