cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize