mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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