you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
