mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
