Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am puke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
