you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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