Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He did a backflip because drugs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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