theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
