no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
