Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
