So drunk its hurt
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
