I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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