I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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