I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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