If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize