my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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